Who Are You?

Our minds have new eyes and visions of you

I remember seeing you last month. Although right now under the night sky you are across the street, with your new jet-black headphones around your neck, I still saw you last month. I can hear the music playing, it is so loud. Hard metal, I think. I really wonder where the pink earphones went though. You told me you lost them and bought the dark ones instead because they were now in your budget. Well, it is convincing. Though, I really hope you find soft pop in your playlist again.

With your new red highlights contrasting your black hair and a matching black and red leather outfit, you approach my house and ring the bell. I still think your blonde locks looked cuter. I open the door and am greeted with a cold smile and a non-existent hug. We say our greetings and then you frown at my outfit. Maybe you don’t like me wearing the hoody you think looks the best on me. I understand and give you a smile, telling you to wait while I go change.

Girl, I think I need a minute To figure out what is, what isn't

I take longer in the washroom than I should have. It took me ten minutes to realise that I have been staring at my wallpaper. I could not help it, you looked at me adorably with a shining smile, wearing that oversized white bunny hoody I got you on valentine’s, matching it with soft pink stockings and cute white shoes, your blonde hair hanging down your shoulders. You had made me delete these pictures last week but I restored them without you knowing.

I come outside the washroom wearing a black leather jacket over a white shirt and black pants, matching it with black Converse shoes. I had never owned a leather jacket. I remember, last week you and I went to the mall and you made me buy it despite my liking. Though I never showed you, I didn’t like it. You smile at me and reach out to hold my hand. Intertwining our fingers, we head out for our date.

These choices and voices, they're all in my head Sometimes you make me feel crazy Sometimes, I swear I think you hate me like uh

After about four hours we return home. We had our ‘date’ at a party of one of your friends. It seemed as if you knew everyone out there. I was mostly left alone, as you were all over the dancing floor. You tried introducing me to some of your friends, but I don’t remember them as they were too many. You mostly introduced me by my name and no further description. Some people asked who I was and you introduced me as your friend. I corrected you in the beginning, but after that, I let it be.

Anyway, after four hours of partying we reached home. I think about the car ride, you were really quiet the entire time, I wonder why. I think you were just tired, so I had made a mental note to make you coffee as soon as we reached home. You were staying over as it was too late for you to go to your place. I make you coffee as you change your clothes. When I return to the room, I see you looking at me furiously. I give you a puzzled look, and you start screaming at me, saying why I acted like that and ruined everything at the party for you. I still look confused, so you come closer to me and looked up straight into my eyes. I can see anger in them. I try to find love, instead find hate. You say in a hushed tone that I should not have told at the party that we were dating. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes, so I reach out to hug you instead. You push yourself away from me, and tell me to go to sleep. The coffee seems to be forgotten.

I need a walk, I need a walk, I need to get out of here

Cause I need to know

Who are you? Cause you're not the girl I fell in love with, baby Who are you? Cause something has changed, you're not the same, I hate it

You’re sleeping beside me facing the other side. Strange, I remember us sleeping while clutching each other like we are one, I just realised it was ages back. I’m not able to sleep, I just keep turning in bed. I get up and sit at the dining table, hoping to find some sleep. I get a bit bored, so I decide to take out my phone. Mistake, because the first thing I see on opening my phone is you. Correction, the old you, with whom I fell in love with.

I’ve always believed in things that do not exist. Magic, charm, being able to fly, they just seem so beautiful to me. However, one thing I have always believed in more than magic is true love. The typical, fairy tale true love. When one look at your lover is able to give you happiness. When you both interlock eyes, you can see your entire world in them. When their hands and your hands just fit perfectly, like they were made for each other. When the arms of the other is the safest place on this earth. I have always fantasied this love, although it all sounds too magical to be true.

When I first saw you, I felt not only butterflies, but an entire garden inside. When I first saw your emerald green eyes, I could see true happiness and joy, also love, in them. You were like the purest and gentlest thing ever, and from the first glance at you I wanted to protect you forever. The first time I heard your voice, it felt as if the most beautiful thing to exist. I just felt a different kind of warmth with you and as I spent more time with you, I knew I had fallen in love with you.

Oh, I'm sick of waiting for love, love Oh, I know that you're not the one, one

Now something is different. I don’t get the warmth I used to when I was around you. I always thought of you as my true love, now I’m starting to question that. I remember our best dates used to be on the night street all alone, our fingers intertwined with each other, your head softly rested on my shoulder, as we walked home in silence, not the awkward one, but the one which was comforting and peaceful, feeling each other and falling more deeply in love. I find myself crying, I miss you, I miss you so much. I wipe my tears but more keep coming, so I go back to bed and cry myself to sleep.

Feeling hypnotized by the words that you said Don't lie to me, just get in my head

When the morning comes, you're still in my bed But it's so, so cold

Of course, I dreamt of you. The dream started with us in love, ended with you leaving me. I woke up with a start, still crying. I look outside, it is morning. You’re still sleeping beside me. I get up and wash my face. It’s 9:00 a.m. and I decide to make us breakfast before you wake up. Maybe, like this you won’t stay mad at me. I make your favourite, mushroom sandwich with hot chocolate, and put it all on a tray. I also write a small “I’m sorry” note and place it on the tray. I then place it all on the bedside table. You’re still deep in sleep and I find myself silently wishing you’re having a good dream. I give you a kiss on the forehead and gently call out your name to wake you up.

You slowly open your eyes and look at me. I give you a soft smile and place my eyes on the tray kept beside you. You look a bit surprised, but then thank me for the breakfast. I can see your lips curl up in a smile, as you sit up and place the tray in your lap. You see the note and reach out to give me a hug, saying it’s okay and apologising that you overreacted. At this moment I thought that the past you had returned. You pull back and take a look at what I have made for you. However, I can see your smile receding. You look up at me with that furious look of yours again, confusing and hurting me all over. I ask you what’s wrong. You look at me in horror and reply furiously that you are not a kid to drink hot chocolate and that you thought that mushrooms are smelly and gross. I look back at you hurtfully, apologising again and again saying it’s my fault as you put back the tray rather harshly, which makes it fall over, spilling the food all over the floor. You get up and lock yourself in the washroom, shattering me like the shattered pieces of the cup.

Who are you? Cause you're not the girl I fell in love with

Who are you? Cause you're not the girl I fell in love with, baby Who are you? (Who are you?) Cause something has changed, you're not the same, I hate it

Oh, I'm sick of waiting for love, love Oh, I know that you're not the one, one

I drop you over at your house some while later. We both ignore the previous incident, and keep silent in the car ride. The silence got suffocating, so I turned on the radio. No one actually paid attention to what was playing, you kept looking outside the window while I kept driving. We reach your home sometime later, you hug me a goodbye and leave. I see you going into your house and I think you slammed the door.

I return back to my place. I had to go for my afternoon shift at the cafe, but I don’t really know why I call in sick and stay home. I take out my phone and go through the gallery. I really want you here with me, I really do. I don’t know what happened, maybe you moved on or I stayed back, I don’t know but I want to know. I start crying again, I don’t even want to stop myself. All I know and care about right now is that I miss you and want you back. Right now, the one who I just dropped over, it isn’t you. I know that you are not my true love. You are not my soulmate, my other half. You used to be, but now all you do is hurt me. I hate it, I hate what I have with you right now. I want to break it and end all of this, but I just can’t. Do you know why? Well, because this silly, stupid old me still loves you.